Home again and a near miss

Seems to be a reoccurring theme. Every single motorcycle trip I've been on outside of Alberta, when I return no matter what time of year I hit the worst weather. It's like a cruel, freezing cold reminder of how unforgiving rain and hail is when on a motorcycle. Maybe it's the fact I don't have any rain gear, maybe it's the no windshield, maybe it's the completely oblivious naivety I have towards motorcycle travel. I have yet to go on a trip fully prepared and packed. Somehow it feels on purpose though, like if I actually planned ahead and made lists etc it wouldn't feel right. It's as if I subconsciously welcome the uncertainty and unknown. However, this approach usually bites me in ass when i bring only one strap that breaks and I have to attach my duffel bag around my waist like a gigantic fanny pack. Real cool biker Dan.


It might be a new low when you are refused entry into an A&W because water is literally pouring out of your clothes.


Or wait, how about the time I was in some population 500 kinda town, completely soaked, I sit down at the one and only pub and there was a gigantic puddle of water under my feet. The bartender then thought I had peed my pants and kicked me out. I did not go gently into that good night however, security came and dragged me out, which is more difficult than you'd think when the guy being dragged is soaking wet and playing dead.


The flip side however, is the heat. The energy sapping, sanity melting heat of the desert. Riding through Death Valley one time, the exhaustion began to set in. I strapped a bag of ice to my handlebars, hoping the 'ol redneck AC would help. It did, for every bit of 5 min until it melted. Then it kicked in. Y'know those weird heat waves to see coming off the road in the distance? That's literally what my vision was like. My brain was in a crock pot and I didn't even know. My eyelids became very heavy, and I actually had mental mirages of sleeping in a bed next to a beautiful woman (brunette in fact). As I'm laying in paradise next to this exotic beauty I'm rudely interrupted by some weird honking sound. Hmm I'm not on a boat, I'm in a bed? Cue the scene from Dumb and Dumber on the highway with the headlights. I jerk my head up to the sound of 18 screeching tires and a full blown semi truck swerving on the shoulder to miss me; i was way over riding into the opposing lane. My heart pounding and every pore now tingling and sweating I regain consciousness and attempt to act normal. I pull off at the next gas station about 40 miles away and stumble off my bike. I pull my helmet off and blink my eyes in the sweltering heat, slowly coming to realize what events had just occurred. I didn't think it was possible but I essentially fell asleep on a motorcycle. What an amateur.


Now that I'm home safe and sound back in Edmonton AB I have the most humid summer over experienced. Tons of rain and humidity, as well as some sun I guess. Good to be home for a few weeks but man do I miss drinking a beer behind a gas station in some small country town.